The Shriver Report – The Pursuit of a Higher Education
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The Pursuit of a Higher Education
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Six years ago I was living the “American Dream”- married to a successful man, living in a beautiful home, driving a luxury car, and raising three daughters. Behind the perfectly appointed home in suburbia, with its impeccably manicured lawn, was a fractured and tormented family. After twenty-five years of marriage, honored to be stay-at-home mom to three incredible daughters and working hard to try to make the impossible become possible, I realized there was not any amount of super glue that could hold this union together.

You can’t prepare for the carnage divorce brings into your lives. The emotional impact coupled with the financial strain overwhelms at every turn. Economic success flashes: UNATTAINABLE. With the skills I acquired as community volunteer and stay-at-home mom, I threw myself into the world of advertising sales, pushing a product, hoping it would provide the needed income.

Feeling discouraged, unfulfilled and financially stretched, I awoke one morning facing another day of the “dog eat dog” world of sales. I asked myself some difficult questions: If you could do anything, what would it be? If nothing could stop you, where would you go?

The vision: get a degree in psychology, followed by a doctorate, put that knowledge to work counseling others, be a voice for women and children, and teach at a small university.

The dream seemed far out of reach and the questions were many. Could I return to school after almost 30 years? Did I have what it takes to be academically successful? More importantly, how would I support myself?  Would fear and finances keep me from pursuing this goal?

I quit my job that day. With fear and trembling, I tiptoed into the community college. I found random jobs that paid beyond minimum wage. A year later, I packed my bags and moved 200 miles to attend the University of Texas at Austin.

I sit here three years later, approaching graduation with a degree in psychology. Was it pain free? Absolutely not! It was a path paved with fear, doubt, humility, tears, bruises and financial sacrifice combined with growth, development, success, rewards, knowledge, passion for others and progress.

Questions and fears remain as I look toward graduate school. Uncertainty about the next chapter of higher education exists. What have I learned on this significant journey? What do women need to be successful college students?

Here are some of the tips I have learned along the way:

Utilize Career Services & Community College

Talk to career services at your local community college or university. They can help determine your strengths and guide you into a career that can direct you to an area where you can support yourself and your family. Community college is also an often overlooked and affordable way to obtain an education.

Emotional Support

Call in your network of true friends – the ones who applaud you, cry with you and laugh with you. They love you in spite of your mistakes and believe in your hopes, dreams and goals. Lean on them when you are struggling. Be honest and vulnerable, telling them when fear and doubt are stalking you.

Eliminate the Septic System

Building your support network also means cleaning out the septic tank. You know the ones: the toxic relationships. They have to go. They will undermine your goals and make the path rockier than it has to be. Also, be prepared for the naysayers you meet along the way. Their own doubts and insecurities will question your ability and discourage you from reaching your goal. Stand firm in your resolve to be the amazing woman you are!

Seek Financial Support

Talk to school financial counselors. They are there to help you be successful in getting the aid you are eligible for. Use counselors as a resource and apply for every scholarship, grant and assistance that is out there. Apply for work-study programs through your university or community college. Many schools have job search sites or boards.

Look for Academic Support

You WILL encounter obstacles in learning, understanding or adjusting to technology. You are not alone! Talk to professors when you encounter a problem. They can connect you with valuable resources. Universities have tutoring services. If you are eligible for financial aid, it will cover some tutoring costs.

Other ideas: Align yourself with studious peers in your class, join study groups, and don’t’ be afraid to be the oldest person in the group. Most college students are very receptive and helpful to the nontraditional student. Learn from them. It will be a rewarding experience.

Love Yourself

This will be one of your greatest challenges as you juggle work, children, and studies. For me this came in the form of exercise. It was an inexpensive and rewarding way to take care of myself, emotionally and physically. Long walks, short runs, and just being in the beauty of nature gave me new perspective.

And know this former stay at home wife and mother is cheering you on toward the finish line!

Greta Bellinger is a Reporter for The Shriver Report.
Greta Bellinger is “living her dream” in Austin, Texas studying psychology at The University of Texas. Graduating in May, Greta hopes to attend graduate school in the fall, pursuing her doctorate and being a voice of encouragement and social justice for women.
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