The Shriver Report – To Lean In or Opt Out?
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To Lean In or Opt Out?

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I have been reading a lot about “Leaning In” and “Opting Out” lately and debating the merits of working motherhood vs. staying at home.  There are countless factors that play into every woman’s decision but recently I found there are two main factors that weigh on my mind: daycare costs and income disparity.

Let me first give you some background.  I am a television news producer and have been the breadwinner in every relationship I have had for the past 12 years.  I pride myself on being a successful career woman and have worked incredibly hard to get to where I am today.  I have covered every national and international news story since the September 11th attacks back in 2001.  I have been truly blessed to travel and cover everything from Hurricane Katrina to the Olympics in London.

Seven years ago I moved from New York City to Denver, CO to find a bit more balance in my life with the dream of one day starting a family.  Two years later I met a very handsome older man with a charming British accent.  He swept me off my feet we were married in a fairytale wedding with more than 100 friends and family at a beautiful mountainside Victorian mansion.  We were celebrating our anniversary one year later with a two-week-old baby boy.

 “If I am paying $36,000 a year in childcare and spending so many hours away from my child – is it worth it?”

Fast forward to today when I am just weeks away from giving birth to our second child – a baby girl.  We have since bought a house with a big backyard in the suburbs and it feels like we are living the American Dream.  But not everything is as easy as it may seem.  My husband and I both work much more than 40 hours a week. And our two-year-old goes to daycare.  The cost: nearly $1,500 a month or $18,000 a year.  Don’t get me wrong, it is a wonderful facility and he really thrives there.  But when you double that cost – to nearly $3,000 a month or $36,000 a year for two children – it seems astronomical.  For the average American family this is more than one parent makes in a year (after taxes).  I am fortunate to make more than this but it really makes me stop and think – what is the time away from my child worth?  If I am paying $36,000 a year in childcare and spending so many hours away from my child – is it worth it?

In this country men often make more than women and this is especially true when women have children. The gender income gap is real and my husband and I are standing on the precipice of it at this moment. My husband’s career is on an upward trajectory while I have been marginalized at my job because I am a working mother.  I don’t travel nearly as much as I used to and I am no longer given the plum assignments that helped me get to where I am in my career.  I am about to embark on a 3-4 month maternity leave that will set me back even farther.  By the time I get back to work next year my husband will make more than I do.  Sadly, I have come to accept this as reality.

Men who have young children are treated much different than women who have young children.  Men can make it all work because they aren’t expected to cook and clean or maybe they just don’t hold themselves to the same standards.  Don’t get me wrong, my husband is amazing.  He takes care of the house and does do some cooking and cleaning.  But the brunt of the domestic workload falls to me – I am the one who gets up when there are tears in the middle of the night, I am the one who is up early every morning, I am the one who makes sure teeth are brushed and baths are taken.  It’s just the mom in me. And I am also the one who will wonder when I go back to work next year if I am making the right decision for my children.  Between the skyrocketing childcare costs and the lack of career growth opportunities I face in the coming year I will have to do a lot of soul searching before jumping back into the rat race.

 

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Andrea Lewis is a Reporter for The Shriver Report.
Andrea Lewis is a producer for CNN’s Piers Morgan Live. She started as a television producer in London for ABC News and then went to work for ABC’s Good Morning America just before the September 11th attacks. She covered every major news story for ABC - from the War in Iraq to Hurricane Katrina.
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