The Shriver Report – How Are the Evolving Roles of Women Shaping Men’s Modern Realities?
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How Are the Evolving Roles of Women Shaping Men’s Modern Realities?

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Most of us are aware that the changes and shifts in women’s lives don’t happen in a vacuum, and therefor also directly impact men’s lives.  But exactly how that impact is felt, and what it translates to, is something that only men can aptly explain themselves.  So we decided to ask men some of the questions that are often directed at women, everything from “how do you do it all?” to “what keeps you up at night?”

Their answers illuminate how the changes in our modern America are shifting men’s realities, along with women’s.

How do you “do it all?”

Eric Lawyer, 26 

 

Executive Assistant, State of California

 

Single, no children

 

I don’t. Nobody does. My work life increasingly spills out into my home life, leading to errant Blackberry-checking, Google alert reading, and preparing for the myriad potlucks, birthdays, and chili cook-offs that occur at least weekly. I’ll have to find the time later in the evening, after dinner with friends, after spending time with the family, after calling those family members that you don’t, but should, have time for. Maybe if I wake up earlier or go to sleep a little later I can find the time…

 

Graig Corveleyn, 35
Attorney
Married, three children

 

“Doing it all” is working, taking care of your family, your marriage and yourself, sometimes in that order, sometimes not. There may be times when you know you have to work on one aspect or another, but its not something I worry about overall. You think about things as you do them, but there is obviously a ton of cross over, even throughout any given day. If things are going well, you don’t worry about it.

What do you consider “doing it all?” Is this something you worry about?

Christopher Reidy, 24

 

Associate Account Manager

 

Single, no kids

I absolutely worry about being able to “do it all.” I think the phrase kind of encapsulates a larger complex in all working people. For me, it is being able to provide for those that need providing, excel and achieve professional goals you’ve set for yourself, and enjoy relaxing with those you love and care for.

Matthew I. Pinzur, 37
Associate VP, External Affairs – Jackson Health System
Married, with a 3-year-old daughter

I assume that all parents who are working professionals worry about this. We’re living in a cultural moment when both parenting and working are considered 24-7 jobs. My daughter wants me to be at Doughnuts With Daddy at her preschool at 8:30 in the morning, even though I’m usually downtown at work by 7:30. My colleagues want me to review documents or discuss policy at 8:30 at night, even though that’s when we’re giving our daughter her bath and reading bedtime stories.

There’s no way to compartmentalize anymore, so it’s impossible not to interrupt one part of your life with the other… and wonder whether you’re making the right call each time.

How does the pressure between career and care (current or potential) impact you?

Will Blakely, 28

 

Freelance TV Production

 

Single, no children

When it comes between the pressures of having a career and becoming a parent in the future, to me personally it is a little frightening. I know as of now I am able to live a comfortable lifestyle, but when I think about having kids I think of all that needs to be provided for them.

Coming from a family that didn’t always have the most growing up, I fear that if I decide to have kids that I won’t be able to provide a good lifestyle, or will need to work a lot to give my family/children the things that they want, basically to have a better life than I have.

In my personal opinion there are two life paths for most people – a career or a family – to have both takes a lot of commitment, which in turn brings stress. Obviously it can be done, ton’s of people do it, but for me knowing money struggles, it is definitely something I think about when it comes to a career and family.

We frequently read about women and stress, but what keeps you up at night?

Mike Thibeault, 30

 

CPA – auditor at a public accounting firm, senior manager

 

 Married with one child

Honestly, my wife’s stress level is what keeps me up at night.  I just want her to be happy – because that’s what drives my happiness.  So whatever I can do to accomplish that.  Now that she’s a mom and feels pressure to tackle so much more than before, I just want to do what I can to alleviate that pressure.  Maybe before she was a mom she did more of the chores around the house, or made more of the family appointments.  Now, I spend that time to make sure the dishes are done every night, or to ensure that while she’s also pumping our daughter’s next meal, I’m not just sitting around watching TV, I’m actually helping to straighten up a room in our house.  As she took on my tasks that I can’t even comprehend (and I’m sure there are many she doesn’t tell me about), I’ve tried to take some others away from her (not always successfully – let me tell you who will never be doing laundry in our house….).

Matthew I. Pinzur, 37
Associate VP, External Affairs – Jackson Health System
Married, with a 3-year-old daughter

Probably most of the same things. I want to be a great father and I want to be successful at work and I want to be a super husband and I want to be healthy and I want to have fun, but there aren’t enough hours in the week to do all of those things.

I screw up the balance sometimes, I beat myself up for a bit and then I start over. It’s easy to fall into a very particular trap at work: spending too much time and energy there and convincing yourself you’re doing it for your family… I want to pay for a good school, send her to that arts program, whatever… and doing that means I need to work a few more hours. I find myself doing it all the time, even though I know – I KNOW – that there’s nothing I can give my family that would make up for me being too absent.

 

How have the evolving roles of the women in your life shifted and shaped your modern reality?

Will Blakely, 28

 

Freelance TV Production

 

Single, no children

My parents divorced when I was very young and even though I did see my father, a majority of my upbringing was done by my mother and sister. In my opinion, I feel that this has formed my view that all people are created equal and that anyone can do anything, no matter of sex. You tend to always think of your dad as the tough one, until you grow up and realize how strong your mother had to be to raise 3 kids while still going to school.

Another thing I feel that I had learned from this was simple respect for women, let me explain… For me anyways when see other guys date your sister, you treat women they way you want to see your sister treated. When you’re used to taking orders from a women (haha), you’re not offended if your boss happens to be a women. In college I knew it wasn’t cool to take advantage or try to humiliate girls, etc… In a larger picture, when you see women as famous athletes, Fortune 500 CEO’s, leader of countries, etc… It’s very hard to be closed minded to the idea of women’s possibilities.

Jeremy A Bennington, 37

 

Assistant Front of House Manager, Artis—Naples

 

Single, non-parent

My parents split when I was 2 and my mom and I ended up sharing a place with her two sisters until one of them married when I was 10. My mom didn’t remarry until my junior year in high school. So, in my world, the women DID seem to do it all. Mom got me up for school, went to work, came home and cooked dinner, AND paid all the bills. The idea of strong dads that worked only existed in the TV shows that I loved to watch.

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